dear effect

i had one of the most random days today.
this morning i had MUN at 8am.
now, this is the first time in 3 years that i've decided to be a part of MUN - i blame myself for not joining sooner.
i recently chose to study international relations at a university level and this experience has convinced me more than anything that i've made the right choice.
i really can't describe exactly how much i enjoyed that.

anyway, after MUN i came home.
i spoke to my friend for a couple of hours and i thought; maybe i should cut my hair.
i looked at haircuts online, found one in 2 minutes - half an hour later i watched the hairdresser raise the scissors up to my bangs.
i watched as she absent-mindedly chopped away my hair.
i saw sections of my hair fall into my lap
and i looked at them
i saw the pretty streaks of brown, gold and orange in the chopped pieces
and i thought "what the hell am i doing? why did i suddenly decide to cut my hair? why did i choose to cut so much of it?"
i stared at the pile of hair as it grew and i realised;
i wanted to destroy something beautiful.

recently i've been receiving a lot of compliments about my hair and specifically the colour.
i guess i subconsciously made the decision it was time to destroy it.
people are not defined by their hair, bodies, eyes, legs, or even by how many medals they have, how many certificates they've been awarded or by how many competitions they've won.
compliments aren't a bad thing, that's not what i mean by my statement above.

either way, i'm happy with my decision to cut my hair, and that's that...
but every once in a while i think it's good for people to destroy something.
it's human nature.

dear bed

you are so nice and warm and snuggly!
haha.
i'm sitting in my bed right now and it feels so warm, i love it.
i see why it's tough to get out of bed in the morning.
the worst is when your toes feel cold but the feeling of socks annoys you :O ohmahgad.

anyway, i just wanted to express my gratitude for a few people.
i won't mention them by name, but i'd like to say that...
i'm so lucky to have certain people in my lives!
wala i love you all more than you'll ever know :)

dear katy b (not perry)

amazing.

dear wings

take me far away from here.
even for an hour or so, it would be nice to be somewhere else for awhile.
this is cheesy, but there's this quote from Fight Club which is completely brilliant:
"If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?"
i think you could.

but for now, i'm in an odd mood.
it's like nothing is going wrong, but nothing it going right.
i have nothing to lose and nothing to gain;
things are basically at a stalemate and i don't know what my reaction should be to that.
it's an issue from within, it's not something that can talked about.
it's something that is what it is, it's nothing more or less.

sometimes you get so fed up of being who you are, you just need to take a break.
but that's not possible, really. unless you plan on being schizophrenic (i'll pass - thanks for the offer).
i wouldn't want to be me right now.

dear katy perry

"do you ever feel
like a plastic bag
drifting through the wind
wanting to start again?"
- um, what?
Katy dear, what have you been smoking?
firstly, no I don't usually feel anything like a plastic bag
secondly, I wasn't aware that plastic bags had minds of their own and all of them happen to want to start again...

and wtf?
"boom boom boom, even brighter than the moon, moon, moon."
i'm serious Katy Perry... there's something wrong with the song.
ok, i love the idea of it, but i think your lyrics are horrible.

i'll think of some suitable ones and post them later.

but seriously, what the hell?

in other news:
i dislike people.
especially people who are supposed to be your friends.
i don't feel like elaborating.
but sometimes people can be assholes.

dear future

School.
These days I'm liking you less and less.
Every day I walk into school thinking 'wow, another day stuck in this place.'
Don't get me wrong - I love the people at my school, they're all amazing! My year group is probably one of the best and closest in the whole school.
But sometimes I just think about the things that go around school and wonder, "why the hell am I even here?"
Or, the newest one, "what did I do to deserve this?"

Doesn't it suck when someone deliberately ruins your chances are achieving a decent reference? Hmm? When someone goes up to your Head of Year and just tells them how horrible you are?

Yeah, it SUCKS. Especially since he hasn't even written my reference yet. I don't think he liked me much to begin with anyway. But if he ruins my chances of going to as decent university, I will actually cry.

Look this is the thing:
I want to go to the UK for university - but my father wants me to go to Canada.
Canada is lovely, I've visited for 4 years in a row.
But somehow I can't imagine myself progressing very far outside of Canada once I've completed my qualifications.
Internationally, Canada isn't as highly regarded as the UK.
Forgive me if I'm wrong (except if you're Amina Samy) but that's my opinion.
I didn't even know anything about Canada until I was forced to do research on it.

But hey, whatever. We'll see how it goes... wish me luck.
Lol, it's not like anyone will read this anyway.