dear wordpress

my new blog site is www.zeinasamy.wordpress.com
toodles :)!

dear normality

it's been awhile since i've blogged, so this one is going to be a bit different.

sometimes when something happens to you, the best thing you can do is be brutally honest about it. just say how you feel. you have to be careful of what you say, make sure the way you feel is how you'll always feel. make sure you don't regret anything you say or do. people will always hold things against you.

anyway my last few posts have been pretty emo, but it's safe to say i feel much much better :D people have been flying in from everywhere and it just feels good to have all my friends back. not only that but everything is falling into place. i somehow always knew they would, life is like a rollercoaster, everything goes up and down. i'm not saying i'll never feel upset again, but i'm saying that even if you're upset for a long time, you'll always come out of it eventually.

and with that i say good night.

dear space

it feels like every december God takes another person from us
the past month has been one of the worst of my life,
but there is no more space, no more room in my heart for any more sadness.
i feel like i don't deserve a heart
my heart doesn't deserve to go through what i put it through
it doesn't deserve any pain or sadness;
nobody's heart does.
أنا آسفة
everyone will tell you that that's how life is, and that's how things go;
get over it. get over yourself.
but anyone in the same position would feel the same thing.
some things are harder to let go of than others;
just because you let go, doesn't mean you have forgotten.
your smile, your laugh
do not mean you are fine-
it just means your mind and heart are taking breaks.
and what happy breaks they are,
how good it feels to breathe without a stitch in your chest.
but there are no ways to avoid
pain. 
it will follow you, and it will find you
when you are most happy
when you are on your way to recovery
and it will pierce you again,
just like before.
الله أكبر
everything will pass.
there are no ways to avoid pain
but there are ways to ease it.
and there are ways you can ease someone else's pain.
there is no way to judge how valuable a friend can be
a real friend.

في النجوم ، إلى الأبد

dear effect

i had one of the most random days today.
this morning i had MUN at 8am.
now, this is the first time in 3 years that i've decided to be a part of MUN - i blame myself for not joining sooner.
i recently chose to study international relations at a university level and this experience has convinced me more than anything that i've made the right choice.
i really can't describe exactly how much i enjoyed that.

anyway, after MUN i came home.
i spoke to my friend for a couple of hours and i thought; maybe i should cut my hair.
i looked at haircuts online, found one in 2 minutes - half an hour later i watched the hairdresser raise the scissors up to my bangs.
i watched as she absent-mindedly chopped away my hair.
i saw sections of my hair fall into my lap
and i looked at them
i saw the pretty streaks of brown, gold and orange in the chopped pieces
and i thought "what the hell am i doing? why did i suddenly decide to cut my hair? why did i choose to cut so much of it?"
i stared at the pile of hair as it grew and i realised;
i wanted to destroy something beautiful.

recently i've been receiving a lot of compliments about my hair and specifically the colour.
i guess i subconsciously made the decision it was time to destroy it.
people are not defined by their hair, bodies, eyes, legs, or even by how many medals they have, how many certificates they've been awarded or by how many competitions they've won.
compliments aren't a bad thing, that's not what i mean by my statement above.

either way, i'm happy with my decision to cut my hair, and that's that...
but every once in a while i think it's good for people to destroy something.
it's human nature.

dear bed

you are so nice and warm and snuggly!
haha.
i'm sitting in my bed right now and it feels so warm, i love it.
i see why it's tough to get out of bed in the morning.
the worst is when your toes feel cold but the feeling of socks annoys you :O ohmahgad.

anyway, i just wanted to express my gratitude for a few people.
i won't mention them by name, but i'd like to say that...
i'm so lucky to have certain people in my lives!
wala i love you all more than you'll ever know :)

dear katy b (not perry)

amazing.

dear wings

take me far away from here.
even for an hour or so, it would be nice to be somewhere else for awhile.
this is cheesy, but there's this quote from Fight Club which is completely brilliant:
"If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?"
i think you could.

but for now, i'm in an odd mood.
it's like nothing is going wrong, but nothing it going right.
i have nothing to lose and nothing to gain;
things are basically at a stalemate and i don't know what my reaction should be to that.
it's an issue from within, it's not something that can talked about.
it's something that is what it is, it's nothing more or less.

sometimes you get so fed up of being who you are, you just need to take a break.
but that's not possible, really. unless you plan on being schizophrenic (i'll pass - thanks for the offer).
i wouldn't want to be me right now.

dear katy perry

"do you ever feel
like a plastic bag
drifting through the wind
wanting to start again?"
- um, what?
Katy dear, what have you been smoking?
firstly, no I don't usually feel anything like a plastic bag
secondly, I wasn't aware that plastic bags had minds of their own and all of them happen to want to start again...

and wtf?
"boom boom boom, even brighter than the moon, moon, moon."
i'm serious Katy Perry... there's something wrong with the song.
ok, i love the idea of it, but i think your lyrics are horrible.

i'll think of some suitable ones and post them later.

but seriously, what the hell?

in other news:
i dislike people.
especially people who are supposed to be your friends.
i don't feel like elaborating.
but sometimes people can be assholes.