dear space

it feels like every december God takes another person from us
the past month has been one of the worst of my life,
but there is no more space, no more room in my heart for any more sadness.
i feel like i don't deserve a heart
my heart doesn't deserve to go through what i put it through
it doesn't deserve any pain or sadness;
nobody's heart does.
أنا آسفة
everyone will tell you that that's how life is, and that's how things go;
get over it. get over yourself.
but anyone in the same position would feel the same thing.
some things are harder to let go of than others;
just because you let go, doesn't mean you have forgotten.
your smile, your laugh
do not mean you are fine-
it just means your mind and heart are taking breaks.
and what happy breaks they are,
how good it feels to breathe without a stitch in your chest.
but there are no ways to avoid
pain. 
it will follow you, and it will find you
when you are most happy
when you are on your way to recovery
and it will pierce you again,
just like before.
الله أكبر
everything will pass.
there are no ways to avoid pain
but there are ways to ease it.
and there are ways you can ease someone else's pain.
there is no way to judge how valuable a friend can be
a real friend.

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